Before the kids come or when they do...

I am single. That just means that I am not married. I do, however, have a wonderful boyfriend that I absolutely adore that I know I want to marry and grow old and wrinkly with.

With that in mind, I want to let you know what I have learned from two friends who are both in their 40's. One is not married and the other, freshly divorced with three children (ages: 5, 12, and 16). I had lunch with them last weekend and tid-bits of our conversation popped into my young fresh mind today. We talked about remembering to do things that makes us happy, to take the time and spend it on what we truly enjoy. Coming from the mother of three, it meant that I need to enjoy the free time that I have NOW because once the kids come, I will not have it anymore. My friend who is not married agreed. However, she added that even when you do have kids, you have got to make some time for yourself because you never want to grow resentful towards your kids or husband. To me, that meant that when we have kids, I should still try to go to yoga once a week, have dinner with my girlfriends or go shopping by myself every once in a while. It is not selfish. It is simply a way to stay sane. By doing that, I will be a better wife and mother to my family.

So, today, on my day off, I went to Starbucks and spent $5.10 on a tall Eggnog Latte (seasonal) and their Pumkin Creamcheese Muffin. Oh, and for you gardeners, Starbucks will give you their coffee grounds by the bagful so you can maintain your greenthumb. So, I took a bag. I do not have a garden but my boyfriend does.

After Starbucks, I went to Marshalls to peruse but ended up with a great pair of black pumps (I like to call them Barbie shoes) for $29.99 and a great fleece that was originally $75 for only $10 (hey, it gets chilly at night even in southern California)! What a steal. Yeah, I would say I had a relaxing morning. What is next on my schedule for today?

Cold Feet?

A pen pal of mine, let's call her TD, e-mailed me the other day with an interesting question. Here is the situation...

TD is Vietnamese-French, born and raised in Paris, France. Her soon-to-be fiance is French, also born and raised in France. They have been dating for a little over a year and she is a little scared of how quickly things have progressed. She is wondering if cultural differences will ever become a problem in the future. She thinks she understands French culture very well since she has always associated with the French. But does he know her and her family well enough to understand Vietnamese culture? He did, though, have an opportunity to visit Vietnam earlier this year so he feels that he does. (Wait a minute, did France not colonize Vietnam at some time? We must have SOME things in common, do we not?) Her family has also tried to dissuade her by pointing out the cultural differences so now I am wondering if this is more so her family's fear than hers. All in all, she knows that he is the one for her and she trusts him with all of her heart, but she still wants to get an opinion.

In response to her e-mail, I requested that she and her fiance discuss exactly which cultural differences could be a problem. Exactly what was she afraid of? Religion? How they will raise their kids? How they will spend the holidays? Their roles as husband and wife? What is it exactly?

After sending the e-mail, I realized that the reason why 50% of marriages in the U.S. end up in divorce is because people simply do not talk enough about the future. Couples too often ignore problems or think they will be be able to figure them out as they "go along" but when the issues come up, it can put quite a strain on their marriage. I am not talking about basic stuff like: How many kids do we want? Where do we live? Who takes out the garbage? I am talking more about like, what if I want to quit my job and stay home with the kids? What amount of income do we think will be "enough" for us? How will we spend/save our money? How will we take care of our parents when they get sick? Would they live with us? How important is it to have children? Would we consider adoption if we could not have children?

The importance of these topics were brought to my attention not by my mother or girlfriends but by a book that my best friend bought for me. It is called, "The Hard Questions: 100 Essential Questions to Ask Before You say 'I Do'" by Susan Piver. Ladies and gentlemen, please read this book if you and your significant other are considering marriage or commitment. Some of the questions are just plain fundamental and necessary. Check it out. You may be very surprised.

Not a Blog Virgin Anymore

I have two friends who blog. I find it hard to understand how they find time to blog but I suppose it's like making time to write in your diary, which I understand because I used to have a diary. I stopped writing in it because it took too much time; I could never write down my thoughts fast enough it seemed. But typing on a keyboard is never a problem. I learned how to type properly from a class I took in high school and I actually don't know a lot of people who have done this. However, I've learned from a few friends that they learned how to type very well on AOL as they feverishly chatted away.

It seems that being able to type efficiently or even computer savvy can get you ahead in this world. Everything revolves around computers nowadays so you better learn or else you're screwed, you know? People will just roll their eyes at you if you're expected to do something quickly but instead, you're pecking away at your keyboard with your two pointer fingers.

Oh, so why did I start blogging? I'm not one hundred percent sure. But I know that when I read my friends' blogs, it seems like a lot of fun. So, here goes...